by Alexandra Naughton
after Jason Molina
willfully not participating is agency as fuck
(doing anything)
i'm so
i'm so
i'm so
i'm so
i/m so proud of me
wanna be enough
wanna be enough for you or nothing to you tbh
i'm just a thing trying to exist on this plane i guess, can you please stop fucking it up for me?
(this didn’t use to be so hard) lol picked the wrong timeline again
i love throwing things away. thanks mom.
can i get a subtweet?
(nothing‘s lonely now nothing anymore in pain)
first or whatever
wearing period panties on every date
when you like someone so you're interacting with their content all day and then they start ignoring you eventually so you gotta unfollow them because the algorithm already made it so you're seeing their content constantly
let’s fantasize together for a moment about what it might be like to have agency
have to keep stopping myself from posting things on social media tangentially describing my present state in regard to you ignoring me
it's not that i have low self esteem, it's that i keep getting involved with people who want me to have low self esteem.
thinking about you lol
definitely getting trolled irl
playing the role doing my part playing the role doing my part playing the role doing my part playing the role doing my part playing the role doing my part playing the role doing my part playing the role doing my part playing the role doing my part playing the role doing my part playing the role doing my part playing the role doing my part playing the role doing my part (the way that secrets always dress)
honestly hope you’re doing well but (did you really believe, c’mon did you really believe that everyone makes it out? almost no one makes it out)
getting stood up isn't fun but it's actually okay because my favorite part of going out at night most of the time is getting ready at home.
climbing a flight of stairs in this building that looks like it’s from the set of the movie brazil and a security guard stops me and points down... i had a dream my iud fell out
living in a bizzaro version of seinfeld where elaine is romantically involved with george
i really wanted you to be real and you're not and it's not so disappointing
it seems really cool to have agency
ooh yeah baby test my patience just like that ooh yeah cancel on me last minute babe yeah you know how i like it
i write poetry about being manipulated which in turn attracts people who want to manipulate me
probably troll you back
listen to music that reminds you of twin peaks. cry on the subway. you’re a better friend than they say. he calls you a catch and then doesn't text back. she appreciates your effort. you enjoy your own company. you walk around and know where you are.
they stare at you with your sunglasses on and you feel like zelda fitzgerald or a septuagenarian who thought she was a movie star years ago.
(think i’ll pack it in) be original, he says. i am original, you say. then be more original, he says.
stop making comparisons
(start a brand new day)
be more original. the art if negging and nagging and getting typecasted but ascending anyway. the art of manipulation to wring every last little bit because you don’t mind the drips and figuring out how power plays because you’re bound to learn after getting fucked over so many times. the art of even considering this type of shit. the art of sensing weaknesses like recognizing your kin. the art of having multiple backup plans. the art of smelling a careerist or at least the art of listening to your friends who know better. the art of submission in search of greater purpose. the art of believing that nothing i say matters but hearing me out anyway.
drown it all out in a constructive way. do the work. do the fucking work. doing the work is all that matters.
you didn't need anyone before and you still don't. you made yourself vulnerable and that's not a bad thing. look for the positive spin. be your own self help. keep drowning it out.
appreciate inane little things. enjoy being alone. get to know yourself again. take a loss and accept it. stop being so hard on yourself. get some sleep. stay up all night on a weekend working on a new project. you don't need to compare yourself. strive to do better. express emotion in public. listen to really loud shoegaze. take a hike and watch the birds act weird. keep drowning it all out. remember that stability is a construct.
i can do good all by myself.