a big institutional fuck-off silence
by Claire Kearns

they told Leo
stand still
stand straight
stand silent

they gave him a number
a file
a line in a ledger
a place in a war that would remember everything
except him

they took his breath
measured it in rations
in orders barked through other men’s mouths
in the cold arithmetic of command

they said
good
that will do

file him away

they built monuments


but not his story
never his story

Because Leo didn’t fit

he wasn’t
the kind of dead they could polish

he carried too much
truth that bled through the neat edges of their history

institutions hate that

they like their grief orderly
their sacrifice symmetrical
their heroes quiet

Leo was none of that

Leo was
the thing that kept surfacing
at the wrong times
in the wrong voices

so they buried him again

not in earth
that would have been honest

they buried him

in the polite cough of archives that skip a page
in the way people look past
when something is too heavy to carry properly

they called it process
called it policy
what it was
it was silence

a big
institutional
fuck-off silence

and still

still

he refuses

because memory doesn’t obey them
not really

it leaks

through families
through stories told too late at night
in the anger
in the grief that doesn’t behave

in the voice that says
no


****

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