dirt pudding

today i watched a man hold a worm against his skull
and laugh, wiggled to his mouth and nipped its head

no one stopped him, like girls at camp
as scouts pulling turtles off the road to watch

them piss themselves in terror, shriek and
fling their shells back to the dust, hands wet

and of course i think of byron, whatever
flows is never dull, another loser that i love

comfortably from a distance though
i’d leave spit and lipstick on his headstone

the first sad story i’d heard is still satin in the center
of my head, one familiar voice moving without a tune

i can remember, nothing stuck but fused
into the flesh, if that’s what it’s still called

inside the living head, a song so old it doesn’t have
words left over, only shadows on the wall, slides

against the light, schematics of a comfort
living safely out of reach

like swine

you know i can’t wear lipstick i get the urge
to kiss every surface within range i am
a one-man shooting gallery in a garden
of clay pigeons when i told you about my childhood
of church defacements you laughed said it was
just the basement coming loose from god
who didn’t exist anyway so it would be
fine to wind up in hell together or the emptiness
around it except that isn’t what you said and
i wasn’t wearing lipstick
only watched a piece of water darken up
the sky and i said we should find
mud wrestling photo albums from 2007
to spend the night decoding faces streaked
with dirt and guess if they’re still flailing

ESCAPISM

FORCED IT FROM MY THROAT WHEN I SAID
I HAVE BEEN WANTED AS A CRIMINAL

  CRIMINALLY I HAVE WANTED, I REALLY MEANT
  THOUGH YOU COULDN’T HEAR BESIDE THE OFF-RAMP

WE WEREN’T HERE BESIDE THE OFF-RAMP, RATHER
MULTICOLORED RIBBONS STREAMING FROM THE TRUNK

  TRUNKS OF COLORS RIBBONING DOWN STREAMS
  OF PAVEMENT MELTED INTO SUNSET

I WANTED TO MELT INTO A COLOR
INCOMPATIBLE WITH LIFE

  A LIFE INCOMPATIBLE WITH PETTY THEFT
  SHELTERED FROM THE WINS I THOUGHT I WANTED

MY VOICE SO WORN AGAINST THE WIND
FORCED FROM MY THROAT WHEN I BEG—

stephanie anderson is @whoastanderson everywhere but especially on whoastanderson.com.